This morning, I did something I don't normally do. I hit my snooze button. Three times. Now, I didn't say I've never hit the snooze button, it's just something that I don't normally do. Normally the alarm goes off, I groan and turn it off, and then sleepily get out of bed. Usually with a longing look back at the warm bed I just left. But not today. Today, I allowed myself the luxury of three, count 'em three snoozes. And really that's all they are. I'm not really sleeping at that point, just dozing. It's funny, though, when I am in that state of half waking, half dreaming doziness, I seem to have the most clarity of thought. Maybe because there is nothing to clutter the process as there is in waking moments; maybe because in dreams your mind communicates with symbolism. Whatever the case may be, I had what might be called an epiphany. As I dropped back down in the the second "snooze" the thought occurred to me that I have been hitting the snooze button on my life or at least areas of my life. For years. Over the last 20 years I have wondered if I could write a novel. Last month I quit hitting the snooze button and gave it a go. Result? I have nearly 40,000 words (and counting) of a novel and I am going to finish it, whether it ever sees the light of day or not. That is my goal.
Sleepily, dozily, I began to think of other areas in my life where I am hitting the "snooze button" and I realize there are more areas than I am comfortable with. Here are a few that came to mind:
My weight. I have been hitting this button off and on for most of my adult life. Up until the last few years, my weight wasn't too bad. In the last few years, however, I have gained so much weight that some days I'm surprised I don't explode (Think Monty Python's Meaning of Life, the restaurant scene). I don't mean that I eat to excess, but I don't choose the right things to eat. I know what I should be eating and choose the wrong things anyway. I just keep slapping that old snooze button.
My home. I hate cleaning house. I would rather do anything than clean house. Clean house or a root canal? It's a toss up, folks. The problem is, there are people I would like to have over after church on Sabbath. Friends I would like to spend a Sunday afternoon watching Harry Potter movies with. Or even just spending an evening sitting around chatting and catching up over a hot cup of tea. I just keep slapping that old snooze button.
My spirituality. I love God. I really do. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm just a fan. You know. Rah Rah, Sisboomba! Go, God! Sometimes I think my faith, my spirituality is only skin deep. I want it to be deeper, but I'm not sure what that entails. Do I have to give up FaceBook? Big Fish Games? Harry Potter? Does it mean I need to spend more time in prayer? But I have so much to do! I need to loose weight; I need to clean my house. SLAP! I hit the old snooze button once again.
I have to start now because tomorrow never comes. Remember Scarlett O'Hara? "I won't think about that now. I'll think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day." Only when she was faced with the loss of the love of her life did she recognize the fact that she couldn't put it off until tomorrow. She had to figure out today what she would put into action to win back the love of Rhett.
Now, I must do the same thing. Figure out today the actions I'm going to take to resolve the snooze button abuse of my life.
What are you hitting the snooze button on?
May God bless you and give you clarity during your dozy moments.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Divine Lunacy Breaths a Sigh of Relief
About a month ago, I got an e-mail from an old flame. I was a bit discombobulated by the e-mail. I really didn't think I would ever hear from him again. For those of you that read "FRACTURED FAIRY TALE...A story of heartbreak, loss..." you will know what I am talking about. If you haven't read it, I suggest that you do. That way, you won't get too confused. Go ahead. The rest of us will wait right here until you're done.
Ah. You're back. You've read it? Ok. Now we are all on the same page. As you may have gathered from my story, I fell in love with a young man. I was just barely 19 and he was almost 20 when we met. I have to say, the first time we were introduced, I didn't pay much attention to him. We were at a party at our youth leader's house. He had started coming to church with a work friend of his and his family. I had seen him at church, of course, but I really hadn't taken much notice of him. I was quite busy with other things like the Youth, Pathfinders, work, my girl friends; the usual things you are busy with at 19. That night at the party, he kept butting into my conversation with questions or sometimes he would just say something random. I would smile and politely answer his questions or listen to his random statement. The next morning when the Youth Leader called to ask if she could give him my phone number, I had to ask her who he was. She told me and I agreed. Next thing I know, I'm getting a call from this young man asking me out on a date.
It was probably the worst first date I have ever had in my life. Anything that could go wrong did. He took me horseback riding in the snow up on the mountains. I'm afraid of riding horses. I think they are beautiful animals, but a few bad experiences really soured me on riding them. We drove my car as his was back in his home state and I let him drive because he was the guy. Well, and because it started snowing and I had never driven in snow before. Then we slid into a ditch (with him behind the wheel of my car) and the tail pipes got bent. (His first Christmas gift to me was new tail pipes.) Then on the way back down the mountain, my windshield wipers were no match for the falling snow. In order to see, he had to stick his head out the window. He would pull his head back in every so often and I would wipe his sunglasses; then out his head would go again. I kept thinking, "This guy is never gonna ask me out again!" Oh, if only...
He was my first love. I built my world around him and then he smashed it to bits when he left. Fast forward 32 years. Out of the blue, he is standing in my Sabbath School class room after class one Sabbath. Only (and my mom really loved this), I didn't know who he was. I didn't recognize him at all. The only thing that looked familiar were his eyes, but the rest? No bells were ringing, that's for sure. When he told me who he was, you could have knocked me over with a peacock feather, to quote Tammie Jean. He and his family were passing through. I met his (then) wife and two of their three children.
Before we went out to the car, he apologized for the way he had treated me so many years before. I had already forgiven him, but it was really nice to hear him say, "I'm sorry." That meant the world to me. About a month later, I find out he is trying to get in touch via e-mail. I told the person to go ahead and give it to him. I thought he must have been telling me he was sorry because he's dying and he wanted to make amends. That really is what I thought. Turns out, he did want to tell me something, but it wasn't that he was dying. He wanted to tell me everything that was wrong in his marriage and to blame it all on his wife. And to tell me he still loved me. Yeah. I know. The crazy thing is I responded, I love you, too. I didn't know until that moment that I did still love him. But there you have it. For a little over a month we carried on a long distance affair via e-mail and phone. I even rationalized that it was ok, because of what his wife had done and that God was giving us a chance to make right what we had messed up so many years ago. His wife found out; even called and confronted me on the phone. She was quite calm about it. For the first time, the voice of reason could be heard above the voice of rationalization: "You know what he is like. His wife can't be all to blame. You know that from personal experience." As I type this I realize now how much my past thinking influenced my thought process about his wife. You see, whenever he had a bad day he always had a way of making me feel like it was my fault. I would bend over backwards to try to cheer him up or make him feel better, but to no avail. I always accepted the blame for his bad day no questions asked. It wasn't my fault, but it was. If he said the marriage was bad because of her, it must be. After the affair ended, I wrote her a letter asking for her forgiveness. I hope that she has forgiven me. I truly regret the part I played in damaging her already damaged marriage.
He did try to contact me a couple of times over the next couple of years. The first time, I had really started to get over him and his e-mail really mad me angry. He contacted me and then begged me not to tell his wife, because if she found out it would mean divorce; please "don't put this on me". I nearly blew a gasket. I wasn't putting anything on him. He contacted me! I ended up writing him a two page letter. I told him in no uncertain terms that it was over. I also told him to stop looking to the past at what might have been and to start looking at what was right in front of him. I told him to start working on making his marriage work, instead of looking for everything that was wrong in it. I heard from him twice after that and then radio silence for about eight years.
Facebook is a wonderful tool, until you are found by someone you don't want to be found by. Yep. He found me on facebook. This was a year ago, June. Against my better judgement, I accepted his friend request. He sent me an e-mail telling all about his divorce and still blaming her for all the wrongs in their marriage. Uh oh. He also told me that he just wanted friendship and someone to talk to that would listen. Problem is, I had already heard this story before...many times over. I wrote back and told him I was sorry to hear that he was getting a divorce, but if it was for the best so be it. I also told him that I, too, wanted only friendship. That I was enjoying my single life just as it is. I got an ugly tirade back, alot of it rambling. Suddenly, I'm as bad as his soon-to-be-ex, thinking only of myself, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. I wrote the aforementioned story and sent it to him in answer to his question (and I quote) "When did I 'break' your heart. LOL" Yeah...I know. Real sensitive guy. It finally came down to this. I told him that he needed to let go of the past, to let go of all the hurts from his marriage (real and imagined). I told him he needed to forgive his wife. I also told him I thought he had a lot of healing to do. I told him I could not be a part of it because I felt I was a hinderance to the healing. I was part of his past, not part of his future. He seemed to understand that it was for the best and agreed.
Recently, he connected with a mutual friend from back in the day. He talked about me quite a bit with her (her not knowing all that I have shared with you, Gentle Reader) and she innocently tells him he should contact me and tell me that he wants to be friends. (Apparently, she did get a taste of what I have been through, as he first took her friendship to be something more. She straightened him out on that.) Anywho, I contacted her after reading the e-mail to get her perspective on it. After what she told me, I realized it would be better not to respond at all. And I didn't. Each day that goes by without an e-mail from him, I breath a little easier.
I feel badly for him. I don't bear him any ill will. I only want good things for him. I pray for him and ask God to watch out for him. We are all broken in someway and some are broken more than others. I can not fix this man's brokenness. Only God can fix it. I pray that he will let God do that for him so that he will find peace and happiness.
Ah. You're back. You've read it? Ok. Now we are all on the same page. As you may have gathered from my story, I fell in love with a young man. I was just barely 19 and he was almost 20 when we met. I have to say, the first time we were introduced, I didn't pay much attention to him. We were at a party at our youth leader's house. He had started coming to church with a work friend of his and his family. I had seen him at church, of course, but I really hadn't taken much notice of him. I was quite busy with other things like the Youth, Pathfinders, work, my girl friends; the usual things you are busy with at 19. That night at the party, he kept butting into my conversation with questions or sometimes he would just say something random. I would smile and politely answer his questions or listen to his random statement. The next morning when the Youth Leader called to ask if she could give him my phone number, I had to ask her who he was. She told me and I agreed. Next thing I know, I'm getting a call from this young man asking me out on a date.
It was probably the worst first date I have ever had in my life. Anything that could go wrong did. He took me horseback riding in the snow up on the mountains. I'm afraid of riding horses. I think they are beautiful animals, but a few bad experiences really soured me on riding them. We drove my car as his was back in his home state and I let him drive because he was the guy. Well, and because it started snowing and I had never driven in snow before. Then we slid into a ditch (with him behind the wheel of my car) and the tail pipes got bent. (His first Christmas gift to me was new tail pipes.) Then on the way back down the mountain, my windshield wipers were no match for the falling snow. In order to see, he had to stick his head out the window. He would pull his head back in every so often and I would wipe his sunglasses; then out his head would go again. I kept thinking, "This guy is never gonna ask me out again!" Oh, if only...
He was my first love. I built my world around him and then he smashed it to bits when he left. Fast forward 32 years. Out of the blue, he is standing in my Sabbath School class room after class one Sabbath. Only (and my mom really loved this), I didn't know who he was. I didn't recognize him at all. The only thing that looked familiar were his eyes, but the rest? No bells were ringing, that's for sure. When he told me who he was, you could have knocked me over with a peacock feather, to quote Tammie Jean. He and his family were passing through. I met his (then) wife and two of their three children.
Before we went out to the car, he apologized for the way he had treated me so many years before. I had already forgiven him, but it was really nice to hear him say, "I'm sorry." That meant the world to me. About a month later, I find out he is trying to get in touch via e-mail. I told the person to go ahead and give it to him. I thought he must have been telling me he was sorry because he's dying and he wanted to make amends. That really is what I thought. Turns out, he did want to tell me something, but it wasn't that he was dying. He wanted to tell me everything that was wrong in his marriage and to blame it all on his wife. And to tell me he still loved me. Yeah. I know. The crazy thing is I responded, I love you, too. I didn't know until that moment that I did still love him. But there you have it. For a little over a month we carried on a long distance affair via e-mail and phone. I even rationalized that it was ok, because of what his wife had done and that God was giving us a chance to make right what we had messed up so many years ago. His wife found out; even called and confronted me on the phone. She was quite calm about it. For the first time, the voice of reason could be heard above the voice of rationalization: "You know what he is like. His wife can't be all to blame. You know that from personal experience." As I type this I realize now how much my past thinking influenced my thought process about his wife. You see, whenever he had a bad day he always had a way of making me feel like it was my fault. I would bend over backwards to try to cheer him up or make him feel better, but to no avail. I always accepted the blame for his bad day no questions asked. It wasn't my fault, but it was. If he said the marriage was bad because of her, it must be. After the affair ended, I wrote her a letter asking for her forgiveness. I hope that she has forgiven me. I truly regret the part I played in damaging her already damaged marriage.
He did try to contact me a couple of times over the next couple of years. The first time, I had really started to get over him and his e-mail really mad me angry. He contacted me and then begged me not to tell his wife, because if she found out it would mean divorce; please "don't put this on me". I nearly blew a gasket. I wasn't putting anything on him. He contacted me! I ended up writing him a two page letter. I told him in no uncertain terms that it was over. I also told him to stop looking to the past at what might have been and to start looking at what was right in front of him. I told him to start working on making his marriage work, instead of looking for everything that was wrong in it. I heard from him twice after that and then radio silence for about eight years.
Facebook is a wonderful tool, until you are found by someone you don't want to be found by. Yep. He found me on facebook. This was a year ago, June. Against my better judgement, I accepted his friend request. He sent me an e-mail telling all about his divorce and still blaming her for all the wrongs in their marriage. Uh oh. He also told me that he just wanted friendship and someone to talk to that would listen. Problem is, I had already heard this story before...many times over. I wrote back and told him I was sorry to hear that he was getting a divorce, but if it was for the best so be it. I also told him that I, too, wanted only friendship. That I was enjoying my single life just as it is. I got an ugly tirade back, alot of it rambling. Suddenly, I'm as bad as his soon-to-be-ex, thinking only of myself, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. I wrote the aforementioned story and sent it to him in answer to his question (and I quote) "When did I 'break' your heart. LOL" Yeah...I know. Real sensitive guy. It finally came down to this. I told him that he needed to let go of the past, to let go of all the hurts from his marriage (real and imagined). I told him he needed to forgive his wife. I also told him I thought he had a lot of healing to do. I told him I could not be a part of it because I felt I was a hinderance to the healing. I was part of his past, not part of his future. He seemed to understand that it was for the best and agreed.
Recently, he connected with a mutual friend from back in the day. He talked about me quite a bit with her (her not knowing all that I have shared with you, Gentle Reader) and she innocently tells him he should contact me and tell me that he wants to be friends. (Apparently, she did get a taste of what I have been through, as he first took her friendship to be something more. She straightened him out on that.) Anywho, I contacted her after reading the e-mail to get her perspective on it. After what she told me, I realized it would be better not to respond at all. And I didn't. Each day that goes by without an e-mail from him, I breath a little easier.
I feel badly for him. I don't bear him any ill will. I only want good things for him. I pray for him and ask God to watch out for him. We are all broken in someway and some are broken more than others. I can not fix this man's brokenness. Only God can fix it. I pray that he will let God do that for him so that he will find peace and happiness.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Divine Lunacy Ponders Death
It's a grim subject, I know. However, this week has been a week for it. First the news of a man beloved my many. His death shocked and saddened, to say the least. On Monday, my folks had to put down their dog of 15 years. Then today at work, I learned that a former co-worker had died due to complications from his cancer. Oh, and lest I forget, the former morning weather man for Channel 3, died after a prolonged illness of cirrhosis.
All death is hard to deal with, whether it is a car accident or a prolonged illness. Death leaves a hole in our lives where that person should be. As a Christian, I do have hope in the resurrection; I believe that on that great day, I will be reunited with my loved ones in Christ, be they blood or in His blood relatives. I don't know how people make it through if they don't have that hope.
I think the worst death to deal with is suicide. That someone would deliberately take their own life is hard to understand for those left behind. People don't understand the pain of mental or emotional illness, nor the devastation of depression and therefore cannot fathom why they didn't "gut it out" like the rest of us. Worse yet, most people think that if someone takes their own life, they have shut the doors to eternal life in heaven. I know I used to think that way. Now, I don't.
A former school mate of mine lost his step daughter to suicide. Of course, the family was devastated, as was their church family. Their pastor, Dan Appel, did his best to make sense out of this senseless tragedy. He wrote an article that is quite thought provoking and illuminating on this subject and it helped me to understand something that I should have seen all along. We don't decide who gets to go to heaven and who doesn't. God does. God sees the heart, the mind, the soul of the person and we don't see as He sees. He knows; He decides. I don't get to make that call and neither do you, Gentle Reader. God will make the decision based on what He has seen inside that person. I'm going to include the address for the site that my friend set up for his daughter, Alex, and you can find Pastor Dan's article there. I will also include the link to the article for those that just want to see it and nothing more. I hope you will look at the whole site. My friend has used this tragedy to reach out to other young people. He hopes that by doing this, someone on the edge will pull back and ask for help.
Here they are: http://alexstory.org/alexstory/Suicide_and_the_Bible_by_Dan_Appel.html
and: http://alexstory.org
I came close to ending my own life once. I was really tired. Tired of feeling empty, used up, and abandoned. I would wake up each morning and think of a reason to get out of bed. One day, I couldn't find a reason. I got up anyway. The next morning, I didn't feel any different. I went to a drugstore and found sleeping pills, making sure they didn't have ipecac in them. I got home and I sat there looking at those pills and a blank sheet of paper until it got dark. I lit a candle and still, I couldn't find the words to write that would exhonorate my family and friends. It really wasn't their fault I felt that way; I was just tired of living. It was too heavy a burden to bear. I just wanted to be free. In the end, I couldn't write a note explaining all that I felt and for my family and friends not to feel guility. I flushed the pills down the toilet and went to bed. It was a long time before things got better for me. I don't know how I hung in as long as I did before I came back to God, but I suspect He had something to do with it. I wrote a poem, that has since been turned into a song. I hope to record it someday. It's called Invitation to the Dance. These are the words:
I had grown so very weary
Listening to the noise of pain
I just wanted sweet oblivian
Just a slow soft fade
Then the invite arrived
Whispered soft, in my ear
Come to the dance,
There you'll find good cheer
It took many years for me to
Clearly hear it
This invitation spoken by
The Holy Spirit
Come on, take a chance
Step into His embrace
Don't worry if you can't dance
He has enough grace.
And when I arrived
I sat at the edge
Been wounded before
I had bets to hedge
I kept my head down
Didn't even look at the place
I knew I couldn't dance
Because, I lacked grace
Then a scarred hand appeared
I looked up and took a chance
That's when Jesus asked me
"Shall we dance?"
And now, especially when darkness threatens, I put my hands in His and I step on His feet and let Him dance me through it.
All death is hard to deal with, whether it is a car accident or a prolonged illness. Death leaves a hole in our lives where that person should be. As a Christian, I do have hope in the resurrection; I believe that on that great day, I will be reunited with my loved ones in Christ, be they blood or in His blood relatives. I don't know how people make it through if they don't have that hope.
I think the worst death to deal with is suicide. That someone would deliberately take their own life is hard to understand for those left behind. People don't understand the pain of mental or emotional illness, nor the devastation of depression and therefore cannot fathom why they didn't "gut it out" like the rest of us. Worse yet, most people think that if someone takes their own life, they have shut the doors to eternal life in heaven. I know I used to think that way. Now, I don't.
A former school mate of mine lost his step daughter to suicide. Of course, the family was devastated, as was their church family. Their pastor, Dan Appel, did his best to make sense out of this senseless tragedy. He wrote an article that is quite thought provoking and illuminating on this subject and it helped me to understand something that I should have seen all along. We don't decide who gets to go to heaven and who doesn't. God does. God sees the heart, the mind, the soul of the person and we don't see as He sees. He knows; He decides. I don't get to make that call and neither do you, Gentle Reader. God will make the decision based on what He has seen inside that person. I'm going to include the address for the site that my friend set up for his daughter, Alex, and you can find Pastor Dan's article there. I will also include the link to the article for those that just want to see it and nothing more. I hope you will look at the whole site. My friend has used this tragedy to reach out to other young people. He hopes that by doing this, someone on the edge will pull back and ask for help.
Here they are: http://alexstory.org/alexstory/Suicide_and_the_Bible_by_Dan_Appel.html
and: http://alexstory.org
I came close to ending my own life once. I was really tired. Tired of feeling empty, used up, and abandoned. I would wake up each morning and think of a reason to get out of bed. One day, I couldn't find a reason. I got up anyway. The next morning, I didn't feel any different. I went to a drugstore and found sleeping pills, making sure they didn't have ipecac in them. I got home and I sat there looking at those pills and a blank sheet of paper until it got dark. I lit a candle and still, I couldn't find the words to write that would exhonorate my family and friends. It really wasn't their fault I felt that way; I was just tired of living. It was too heavy a burden to bear. I just wanted to be free. In the end, I couldn't write a note explaining all that I felt and for my family and friends not to feel guility. I flushed the pills down the toilet and went to bed. It was a long time before things got better for me. I don't know how I hung in as long as I did before I came back to God, but I suspect He had something to do with it. I wrote a poem, that has since been turned into a song. I hope to record it someday. It's called Invitation to the Dance. These are the words:
I had grown so very weary
Listening to the noise of pain
I just wanted sweet oblivian
Just a slow soft fade
Then the invite arrived
Whispered soft, in my ear
Come to the dance,
There you'll find good cheer
It took many years for me to
Clearly hear it
This invitation spoken by
The Holy Spirit
Come on, take a chance
Step into His embrace
Don't worry if you can't dance
He has enough grace.
And when I arrived
I sat at the edge
Been wounded before
I had bets to hedge
I kept my head down
Didn't even look at the place
I knew I couldn't dance
Because, I lacked grace
Then a scarred hand appeared
I looked up and took a chance
That's when Jesus asked me
"Shall we dance?"
And now, especially when darkness threatens, I put my hands in His and I step on His feet and let Him dance me through it.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Divine Lunacy is thankful...
I have a few friends and family on FaceBook that are doing the whole "Today I am thankful for..." I did it last year and it is a great thing to do to remind ourselves of the things that mean something to us and we are grateful to have. My list is a little different this year and I hope I am grateful for these things all year, not just during the month of November.
I am thankful for a hot cup of coffee in the morning, followed by a hot shower. I'm thankful for a roof over my head, four walls, central heating, and a comfy bed to sleep in. I'm thankful for food in my refrigerator and pantry. I'm thankful for electricity that keeps my computer running (among other things!) I'm grateful that I have warm clothes and a washer and dryer to keep them clean. I'm grateful that I have a really comfortable pair of shoes I can wear during the day and for my leopard slippers I wear at night.
I'm thankful for my job, even when the circumstances aren't particularly great. I'm thankful that my dad is still here and that we are all celebrating Thanksgiving with his side of the family. I'm thankful for new friends and for long time friends, they add so much to my life. I'm thankful for FaceBook keeping me connected with both.
I'm thankful for rental car specials so that I can travel to be with my family this Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for my dad paying for that rental car and for the motel room I'll be staying in. (Love you, Pop!)
I'm thankful for my church family, their love and care and the joy they bring to my life. I'm thankful for the people who mentored me during my teenage years: Mrs. Madelina, Mrs. Boodt, and Valerie Young. Thank you for teaching me so much and for giving me the confidence to help other young people.
I'm also thankful for the trials and tribulations that come. They are not easy and I don't feel very thankful while I am going through them. My dad's cancer; watching people I liked and worked with losing their jobs and wondering if I'll be next. Watching the world go crazy around me.
Here's what I have learned and why I am thankful for the trials that come. While I woudn't wish cancer on anyone, least of all my dad, it has brought our family closer than ever before. It has made me more empathetic towards people going through similar things. It has changed all of us for the better. I am sorry for those I worked with that lost their jobs through no fault of their own and watching this has made me appreciate all the more that I have a job, even one that makes me crazy sometimes.
This world is going crazy all around me, but I am thankful that I love and serve a God that does not change. He is the same yesterday, today, and always. Did I pray for a different outcome at electrion? Yes. But I also prayed, THY WILL BE DONE. I'm not jumping up and down over a second term, but I am trusting that God has a purpose for this. Kings and kingdoms will all pass away...I'm thankful that I have come to a place where I can trust my Creator no matter what is going on.
I hope during this Thanksgiving that each person will stop and think about the little things they are thankful for, right along with the big ones, before diving headfirst into a food coma.
Good night, all. I'm done speechifying and I'm going to go sleep in the warm, comfy bed that I am thankful for.
I am thankful for a hot cup of coffee in the morning, followed by a hot shower. I'm thankful for a roof over my head, four walls, central heating, and a comfy bed to sleep in. I'm thankful for food in my refrigerator and pantry. I'm thankful for electricity that keeps my computer running (among other things!) I'm grateful that I have warm clothes and a washer and dryer to keep them clean. I'm grateful that I have a really comfortable pair of shoes I can wear during the day and for my leopard slippers I wear at night.
I'm thankful for my job, even when the circumstances aren't particularly great. I'm thankful that my dad is still here and that we are all celebrating Thanksgiving with his side of the family. I'm thankful for new friends and for long time friends, they add so much to my life. I'm thankful for FaceBook keeping me connected with both.
I'm thankful for rental car specials so that I can travel to be with my family this Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for my dad paying for that rental car and for the motel room I'll be staying in. (Love you, Pop!)
I'm thankful for my church family, their love and care and the joy they bring to my life. I'm thankful for the people who mentored me during my teenage years: Mrs. Madelina, Mrs. Boodt, and Valerie Young. Thank you for teaching me so much and for giving me the confidence to help other young people.
I'm also thankful for the trials and tribulations that come. They are not easy and I don't feel very thankful while I am going through them. My dad's cancer; watching people I liked and worked with losing their jobs and wondering if I'll be next. Watching the world go crazy around me.
Here's what I have learned and why I am thankful for the trials that come. While I woudn't wish cancer on anyone, least of all my dad, it has brought our family closer than ever before. It has made me more empathetic towards people going through similar things. It has changed all of us for the better. I am sorry for those I worked with that lost their jobs through no fault of their own and watching this has made me appreciate all the more that I have a job, even one that makes me crazy sometimes.
This world is going crazy all around me, but I am thankful that I love and serve a God that does not change. He is the same yesterday, today, and always. Did I pray for a different outcome at electrion? Yes. But I also prayed, THY WILL BE DONE. I'm not jumping up and down over a second term, but I am trusting that God has a purpose for this. Kings and kingdoms will all pass away...I'm thankful that I have come to a place where I can trust my Creator no matter what is going on.
I hope during this Thanksgiving that each person will stop and think about the little things they are thankful for, right along with the big ones, before diving headfirst into a food coma.
Good night, all. I'm done speechifying and I'm going to go sleep in the warm, comfy bed that I am thankful for.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Divine Lunacy Gets Lyrical...
(Fooled you, didn't I? You thought I was going to wax poetic again, didn't you?) I think I wrote this meaning for it to be lyrics. What say the musically gifted among you?
And Weep
When your world is crumbling where you stand
When you stumble and need a steady hand
When your burdens are too much for you to bear
When you are overwhelmed with worry and care
When you are wounded and your soul bleeds
When you're used up and empty and have need
When love seems hopelessly lost to you
When you think"Why bother; what's the use?"
His arms are open and waiting
Give everything to His keep
Just lay your head down
On your Father's chest and weep
When you're aching heart cries in the lonely night
When you think you won't make it to morning light
When your soul is screaming and no one hears
When your mind can't hide from all it's fears
His arms are open and waiting
Give everything to His Keep
Just lay your head down
On your Father's chest and weep
Sometimes this world can be too much
Your weary soul longs for a Parent's touch
His arms are open and waiting
Give everything to His Keep
Just lay your head down
On your Father's chest and weep
I got the phrase "Just lay your head down on your Father's chest and weep." from a book written by Nicole Johnson. The imagery that came to my mind was sitting on God's lap and just crying my eyes out and letting go of all my hurt, all my pain, all my confusion in those cathartic tears. And knowing that His loving arms are around me and that He has a big enough chest to absorb all of it, is most comforting, indeed.
And Weep
When your world is crumbling where you stand
When you stumble and need a steady hand
When your burdens are too much for you to bear
When you are overwhelmed with worry and care
When you are wounded and your soul bleeds
When you're used up and empty and have need
When love seems hopelessly lost to you
When you think"Why bother; what's the use?"
His arms are open and waiting
Give everything to His keep
Just lay your head down
On your Father's chest and weep
When you're aching heart cries in the lonely night
When you think you won't make it to morning light
When your soul is screaming and no one hears
When your mind can't hide from all it's fears
His arms are open and waiting
Give everything to His Keep
Just lay your head down
On your Father's chest and weep
Sometimes this world can be too much
Your weary soul longs for a Parent's touch
His arms are open and waiting
Give everything to His Keep
Just lay your head down
On your Father's chest and weep
I got the phrase "Just lay your head down on your Father's chest and weep." from a book written by Nicole Johnson. The imagery that came to my mind was sitting on God's lap and just crying my eyes out and letting go of all my hurt, all my pain, all my confusion in those cathartic tears. And knowing that His loving arms are around me and that He has a big enough chest to absorb all of it, is most comforting, indeed.
Divine Lunacy Waxes Poetic...Again
This one appears to be unfinished. However, I like where it is going. Hmmmm...maybe I'll work on it some more. Until then:
Send Me To The Corner
When I am overwhlmed by life's demands
And my nerves are frazzled and frayed
When it feels like I'm running in circles
And my nerves are frazzled and frayed
When it feels like I'm running in circles
So tired that I can't see straight
When the money is short and the bills are long
And the fridge and cupboards are bare
When my lonely heart and soul
Cry out "Who will help in my despair?"
Send me to the corner, Father
Put my back against the wall
So I can open wide my arms
And let my budens fall
At the feet of my sweet Jesus
I will surrender all.
When the money is short and the bills are long
And the fridge and cupboards are bare
When my lonely heart and soul
Cry out "Who will help in my despair?"
Send me to the corner, Father
Put my back against the wall
So I can open wide my arms
And let my budens fall
At the feet of my sweet Jesus
I will surrender all.
Divine Lunacy Waxes Poetic...
Doing a "Fall" cleaning and came across a few poems that I had written a few years ago. This one is an anocrostic poem. The letter beginning each sentece forms a sentence of it's own.
Jesus Love
Jesus
Endured everything meant for me
Shame and degradation
Ugly words of hate
Scourged and spit upon
Body torn and pierced
Redemtion gained in each mark
On His flesh
Knowing, I put them there
Eternally
Not to shame me, but remind me
Beautiful salvation
Oh, the glory to be of such worth
Daring to belong to Him
Yehweh's beloved
Jesus
Endured everything meant for me
Shame and degradation
Ugly words of hate
Scourged and spit upon
Slahsed and bleeding
Precious life flowing from wounds
I caused Him to take in my place
Love is the only reason
Love paid a high price
Even though it was my
Debt to pay
Beautiful redemtion
Lasting forgiveness
Oh, the glory of such love
Only a Father can give
Divine love
Endured everything meant for me
Shame and degradation
Ugly words of hate
Scourged and spit upon
Body torn and pierced
Redemtion gained in each mark
On His flesh
Knowing, I put them there
Eternally
Not to shame me, but remind me
Beautiful salvation
Oh, the glory to be of such worth
Daring to belong to Him
Yehweh's beloved
Jesus
Endured everything meant for me
Shame and degradation
Ugly words of hate
Scourged and spit upon
Slahsed and bleeding
Precious life flowing from wounds
I caused Him to take in my place
Love is the only reason
Love paid a high price
Even though it was my
Debt to pay
Beautiful redemtion
Lasting forgiveness
Oh, the glory of such love
Only a Father can give
Divine love
Monday, July 16, 2012
Divine Lunacy: Love, Actually...
Love. This is a subject I have been giving a lot of thought to lately. Not of the romantic sort; not of the violins, hearts, and flowers variety. No. The kind that is supposed to make the world go around. Jesus talked about it often. He told us to love one another as He loves us. He said to love your neighbor as yourself. He admonished us to love God with everything we are and everything we have. There have been songs written about his kind of love, as well. One of my personal favorites is "Put a Little Love in Your Heart." Even the late John Lennon said: "All you need is love."
And yet...love is at an all time low. Those of us who are supposed to know Jesus, supposed to know the Bible and it's teachings are using it as a weapon to bludgeon "sinners" into living the way we think they should live. That is not what Jesus taught; not in word nor in deed. Jesus spoke of love and His actions confirmed it. I wonder about the people who call themselves Christians and then march and picket events they deem "wicked". They call for the blood of the "offenders" much the same way as the Roman's called for the blood of the Christians a few centuries ago. No wonder people don't want anything to do with Christianity. Who wants to be around so much hate and prejudice?
As I said, I have been mulling this over for a while now and I have come to a conclusion. As Christians, it is not our job to be the moral compass of the world. It is our job to love unconditionally. It is not our job to judge anyone; that is God's job. Matthew 7:1-3 (Amplified) says it all when it comes to juding others: Do not judge and criticize and condemn others so that you may not be judge and criticized and condemned yourselves. For just as you judge and criticize and condemn others, you will be judged and criticized and condemned, and in accordance with the measure you [use to] deal out to others, it will be dealt out again to you. Why do you stare from without at the very small particle that is in your brother's eye but do not become aware of and consider the beam of timber that is in your own eye?
The Bible also tells us that God sees differently than we do (1 Samuel 16:7). He sees inside to who we really and truly are in our deepest self. That is what He judges us on. It is so easy to look at someone and make assumptions as to who and what they are; but we don't know. We have not lived in that person's skin. I have to keep reminding myself that the cashier at the grocery store has a life outside of his/her job. Maybe the reason they messed up and charged me twice is because they are worried about a sick child, spouse, or parent. Maybe their marriage is disintergrating and they don't know what to do to save it. Maybe they have a child that is raging out of control and feel powerless to stop them. All of us are living with things good and bad all the time. To judge someone's actions or appearance without knowing their circumstances is foolish at best and destructive at worst. We destroy a little bit of our souls each time we try to build ourselves up by smugly saying, "Well, at least I don't (you fill in the blank) like he/she does."
I think one of the reasons we have such a hard time loving others as ourselves is because we don't like, much less love, ourselves very much. And, in all fairness, as Christians we are taught that loving oneself is egotistical and we should be humble at all costs. (Don't get me started. That is a blog for another day.) So...how do love ourselves without ego, thereby enabling us to love others without judgement? I can't answer for anyone but me. Self forgiveness. We are taught to forgive others and to ask for forgiveness, but not how to forgive ourselves. (Again, a blog for another day.) This is not an easy thing to do. Especially when the enemy likes to throw it in our faces when we least expect it (and almost always when we are feeling our most self-critical). We must turn to the Bible once more, for there are a multitude of texts that tell us of God's forgiveness. One of them is found in 1 John 1:9: If we [freely] admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) to forgive our sins [dismiss our lawlessness] and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness [everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action]. And yet, when the enemy reminds me of my past transgressions, I can feel my face grow hot with shame and I am dizzy with remorse. I have to remind myself it's in the past. It has been forgiven and I am a new person. I am redeemed.
Once we (by the grace of God) accomplish loving ourselves, the question remains: How do I love those that aren't easy to love? Some people are really hard to love no matter what, arent' they? They might be cranky and cantakerous all the time. They might be so negative that not only is the glass half full, when they left it to get water to fill it up, someone drank what was in there leaving the glass empty. Maybe they aren't the sharpest knife in the drawer. The fact remains, they are children of God just like me. God loves them and sent His Son to die for them just the same as He did for me. This is the thought I am working to keep foremost in my mind when dealing with other people (especially the ones that irritate me to no end). John 3:16 (Amplified) speaks volumes, if only we will listen and hear:
For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life.
I like the way the Amplified Bible spells it out. My only disappointment is that it doesn't give a more detailed description of the world. By world, I'm pretty sure God meant not only me and those that believe as I do, but all who have ever drawn a breath: good and bad; innocent and malevolent; lovable and unlovable. And if that isn't proof enough of God's love for us (love that we are supposed to be a reflection of), consider this: God and Jesus had a back-up plan in place before the world was created. In the event that Adam and Eve fell from grace, Jesus would sacrifice Himself to give us forgiveness and life.
When Jesus walked this earth, He did not cater to those who were already on the spiritual path. He catered to the lost, confused, sick, disenfranchised, and (yes) unlovable. His last words before dying were: "Father, forgive them; they don't know what they are doing."
So before we judge that person who has just come out of the closet or gossip behind our trampy-looking coworkers back; before we condemn the atheist or the wiccan, remember that God loves them and died for them, too. And if God can love them, with His help and grace, so can we.
And yet...love is at an all time low. Those of us who are supposed to know Jesus, supposed to know the Bible and it's teachings are using it as a weapon to bludgeon "sinners" into living the way we think they should live. That is not what Jesus taught; not in word nor in deed. Jesus spoke of love and His actions confirmed it. I wonder about the people who call themselves Christians and then march and picket events they deem "wicked". They call for the blood of the "offenders" much the same way as the Roman's called for the blood of the Christians a few centuries ago. No wonder people don't want anything to do with Christianity. Who wants to be around so much hate and prejudice?
As I said, I have been mulling this over for a while now and I have come to a conclusion. As Christians, it is not our job to be the moral compass of the world. It is our job to love unconditionally. It is not our job to judge anyone; that is God's job. Matthew 7:1-3 (Amplified) says it all when it comes to juding others: Do not judge and criticize and condemn others so that you may not be judge and criticized and condemned yourselves. For just as you judge and criticize and condemn others, you will be judged and criticized and condemned, and in accordance with the measure you [use to] deal out to others, it will be dealt out again to you. Why do you stare from without at the very small particle that is in your brother's eye but do not become aware of and consider the beam of timber that is in your own eye?
The Bible also tells us that God sees differently than we do (1 Samuel 16:7). He sees inside to who we really and truly are in our deepest self. That is what He judges us on. It is so easy to look at someone and make assumptions as to who and what they are; but we don't know. We have not lived in that person's skin. I have to keep reminding myself that the cashier at the grocery store has a life outside of his/her job. Maybe the reason they messed up and charged me twice is because they are worried about a sick child, spouse, or parent. Maybe their marriage is disintergrating and they don't know what to do to save it. Maybe they have a child that is raging out of control and feel powerless to stop them. All of us are living with things good and bad all the time. To judge someone's actions or appearance without knowing their circumstances is foolish at best and destructive at worst. We destroy a little bit of our souls each time we try to build ourselves up by smugly saying, "Well, at least I don't (you fill in the blank) like he/she does."
I think one of the reasons we have such a hard time loving others as ourselves is because we don't like, much less love, ourselves very much. And, in all fairness, as Christians we are taught that loving oneself is egotistical and we should be humble at all costs. (Don't get me started. That is a blog for another day.) So...how do love ourselves without ego, thereby enabling us to love others without judgement? I can't answer for anyone but me. Self forgiveness. We are taught to forgive others and to ask for forgiveness, but not how to forgive ourselves. (Again, a blog for another day.) This is not an easy thing to do. Especially when the enemy likes to throw it in our faces when we least expect it (and almost always when we are feeling our most self-critical). We must turn to the Bible once more, for there are a multitude of texts that tell us of God's forgiveness. One of them is found in 1 John 1:9: If we [freely] admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) to forgive our sins [dismiss our lawlessness] and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness [everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action]. And yet, when the enemy reminds me of my past transgressions, I can feel my face grow hot with shame and I am dizzy with remorse. I have to remind myself it's in the past. It has been forgiven and I am a new person. I am redeemed.
Once we (by the grace of God) accomplish loving ourselves, the question remains: How do I love those that aren't easy to love? Some people are really hard to love no matter what, arent' they? They might be cranky and cantakerous all the time. They might be so negative that not only is the glass half full, when they left it to get water to fill it up, someone drank what was in there leaving the glass empty. Maybe they aren't the sharpest knife in the drawer. The fact remains, they are children of God just like me. God loves them and sent His Son to die for them just the same as He did for me. This is the thought I am working to keep foremost in my mind when dealing with other people (especially the ones that irritate me to no end). John 3:16 (Amplified) speaks volumes, if only we will listen and hear:
For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life.
I like the way the Amplified Bible spells it out. My only disappointment is that it doesn't give a more detailed description of the world. By world, I'm pretty sure God meant not only me and those that believe as I do, but all who have ever drawn a breath: good and bad; innocent and malevolent; lovable and unlovable. And if that isn't proof enough of God's love for us (love that we are supposed to be a reflection of), consider this: God and Jesus had a back-up plan in place before the world was created. In the event that Adam and Eve fell from grace, Jesus would sacrifice Himself to give us forgiveness and life.
When Jesus walked this earth, He did not cater to those who were already on the spiritual path. He catered to the lost, confused, sick, disenfranchised, and (yes) unlovable. His last words before dying were: "Father, forgive them; they don't know what they are doing."
So before we judge that person who has just come out of the closet or gossip behind our trampy-looking coworkers back; before we condemn the atheist or the wiccan, remember that God loves them and died for them, too. And if God can love them, with His help and grace, so can we.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Divine Lunacy: Paying vs. Returning
Today, at church, I am responsible for the offering appeal. This is my least favorite duty at church. Why? I loathe asking people to cough up their hard earned money, even if it is what God has asked of us all. I loathe asking, because we should all be joyous about returning our tithes and offerings to the God that provided it for us in the first place, but instead, we see it as an obligation.
I think people view tithes and offerings in the same manner as taxes. We have to pay or else. With taxes that is true, but with a few differences. If you don't "pay" tithes and offerings, no one is going to send you a bill with interest that is compounded daily. If you don't "pay" tithes and offerings, no one is going to arrest you, try you in a court of law, and put you in prison for tithes and offerings evasion.
There is another glaring difference. When we "pay" tithes and offerings (especially with a willing and happy heart, mind, and soul), God has promised to "open up heaven itself to you and pour out blessings beyond your wildest dreams." (Malachi 3:10, MSG) I don't believe the IRS can or will match that kind of promise.
Some of you may be wondering why I have typed pay in quotation marks. Because when we "pay" our tithes and offerings, we aren't really paying God. We are actually returning to Him what He has provided for us. Another glaring difference between the IRS and God. The IRS hasn't given us anything of account for our troubles and they keep wanting to tax us for every little thing! (Isn't this one of the reasons we left England?) In all the time I have known God, He has never once asked for more than 10% of my income. Ten percent and whatever I deem for other offerings. That's it. No more; no less. Seems to me that the IRS might do well, to take a page from God's Book, don't you think?
Anyway, it isn't easy coming up with new and fresh ideas for something we should be doing without prompting. I long for the day when people will just walk up to a pastor, elder, or deacon and say (with a huge smile): "Where do I return my tithes and offerings?"
I think people view tithes and offerings in the same manner as taxes. We have to pay or else. With taxes that is true, but with a few differences. If you don't "pay" tithes and offerings, no one is going to send you a bill with interest that is compounded daily. If you don't "pay" tithes and offerings, no one is going to arrest you, try you in a court of law, and put you in prison for tithes and offerings evasion.
There is another glaring difference. When we "pay" tithes and offerings (especially with a willing and happy heart, mind, and soul), God has promised to "open up heaven itself to you and pour out blessings beyond your wildest dreams." (Malachi 3:10, MSG) I don't believe the IRS can or will match that kind of promise.
Some of you may be wondering why I have typed pay in quotation marks. Because when we "pay" our tithes and offerings, we aren't really paying God. We are actually returning to Him what He has provided for us. Another glaring difference between the IRS and God. The IRS hasn't given us anything of account for our troubles and they keep wanting to tax us for every little thing! (Isn't this one of the reasons we left England?) In all the time I have known God, He has never once asked for more than 10% of my income. Ten percent and whatever I deem for other offerings. That's it. No more; no less. Seems to me that the IRS might do well, to take a page from God's Book, don't you think?
Anyway, it isn't easy coming up with new and fresh ideas for something we should be doing without prompting. I long for the day when people will just walk up to a pastor, elder, or deacon and say (with a huge smile): "Where do I return my tithes and offerings?"
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Divine Lunacy Speaks Softly...
A friend of mine posted a news story on FaceBook today. It was about a man on his way home from work. He got off the subway one stop early to eat dinner at his favorite diner. As he was starting to climb the stairs, a teenager pulled a knife and demanded his money. He handed the kid his wallet and then said, "If you are going to spend the night robbing people, you better take this, too." Then proceded to hand the kid his coat. The kid couldn't believe it. He asked the man why and the man responded that the kid must need the money even more than he did and that he didn't want to kid to be cold while he was out robbing people. Then he gave the kid an option. He could take the coat and wallet and continue to rob people or he could go with the man to the diner and have dinner. The kid accepted the dinner invitation. During the course of the dinner, the servers, cooks, cashier, and even the dishwashers came over to say "Hi" and chat for a moment. Impressed, the kid asked the man if he owned the diner. The man said no, but that he ate there often. The kid said, "But you're even nice to the dishwashers!" The man asked the teen, "Didn't anyone ever teach you to be nice to people?" The kid replied, "Yeah, but I didn't think people actually behaved that way." When he asked the teen what he wanted out of life, the teen looked sad. He couldn't (or wouldn't) answer. When the bill came, the man told the teen he would have to pay, since he had the man's wallet. Or, if he would give it back, the man would gladly pay for their dinners. Not only did he give the man back his wallet, he gave him the knife.
It made me think of that verse in the Bible, Proverbs 15:1, which reads: "A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire." (The Message)
This man was that verse in action. He could have yelled and brought all kinds of people; he could have said unkind things to the kid. He could have done a hundred different things, all knee-jerk reactions to the situation, I'm sure. But he didn't. He responded with a soft answer. Instead of seeing some attitude-laden, trouble making, good for nothing punk, he saw a scared, hungry, hurting kid. Instead of finding a police officer or subway cop to arrest the kid and cart him off, he invited him to dinner. Instead of lecturing the teen on how he was wasting his life, the man asked him what he wanted from life. This man was Jesus with skin on to this kid and this kid's life will never be the same, of that I am sure. Oh, he will have to make a choice as to what kind of life he will lead. Now, however, he has been shown that there is good in this world; that people are capable of being kind and caring, even to total strangers.
Father-God, I lift up this young teen to you. I pray that this man's brief influence be profound in this teen's life. That the echo of it will reverberate long and loud and that he will find his way. I ask that you bring more people into this young man's life like our hero; more people who will show this troubled boy Your tender love and care. I ask for a special blessing on our hero. May he continue to touch the lives of those around him with his gentle, yet strong spirit. Thank you, Abba. I ask this in the name of Jesus, Amen
I hope I, too, can learn from this man. That my words and actions will be a hand up and not a slap down to others.
God be with each of you today and always.
It made me think of that verse in the Bible, Proverbs 15:1, which reads: "A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire." (The Message)
This man was that verse in action. He could have yelled and brought all kinds of people; he could have said unkind things to the kid. He could have done a hundred different things, all knee-jerk reactions to the situation, I'm sure. But he didn't. He responded with a soft answer. Instead of seeing some attitude-laden, trouble making, good for nothing punk, he saw a scared, hungry, hurting kid. Instead of finding a police officer or subway cop to arrest the kid and cart him off, he invited him to dinner. Instead of lecturing the teen on how he was wasting his life, the man asked him what he wanted from life. This man was Jesus with skin on to this kid and this kid's life will never be the same, of that I am sure. Oh, he will have to make a choice as to what kind of life he will lead. Now, however, he has been shown that there is good in this world; that people are capable of being kind and caring, even to total strangers.
Father-God, I lift up this young teen to you. I pray that this man's brief influence be profound in this teen's life. That the echo of it will reverberate long and loud and that he will find his way. I ask that you bring more people into this young man's life like our hero; more people who will show this troubled boy Your tender love and care. I ask for a special blessing on our hero. May he continue to touch the lives of those around him with his gentle, yet strong spirit. Thank you, Abba. I ask this in the name of Jesus, Amen
I hope I, too, can learn from this man. That my words and actions will be a hand up and not a slap down to others.
God be with each of you today and always.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Divine Lunacy Gives Thanks
Today is Memorial Day. A day off from work and school. Most people spend it barbequing, watching the races, shopping, and in general just taking it easy. And while all that is fun and good, the actual reason for Memorial Day seems to have been lost in the shuffle of Furniture sales flyers, hamburger buns, and the debate as to who will win the Indianapolis 500.
Memorial Day didn't start out Memorial Day. Nor was it originally meant to honor all those that gave their lives in war. It was originally called Decoration Day and was meant to honor all the Union soldiers that died during the American Civil War. It was extended in the 20th Century to include all the American fallen heros of all wars.
I want to take a moment and give thanks to all those great men and women that have given the ultimate sacrifice for the freedom that I have. Because there were those willing to fight for what they believed in, I am an American Citizen, not a loyal subject of the Queen. Because there were those willing to fight against injustice, I am an American Citizen, not a fearful memeber of the Third Reich.
I don't like war. I don't know anyone that does. However, it is inevitible in this world that we live in. As long as people covet what other people have, there will be war. As long as people feel that you have to believe the way that they believe, there will be war.
That there are people in this country that are willing to fight and possibly make the ultimate sacrifice so that we can continue to live free, is humbling to me. John 5:13 reads: No one has greater love [no one has shown stronger affection] then to lay day (give up) his own life for his friends. (AMP) As you read this, there are people across this globe that are giving up their lives for us right now. Giving their lives so that anyone can protest against war; so that we can rail against the system; so that we can occupy Wall Street.
Today, we should be honoring these fallen heros. Today, we should be honoring the ones that came back, whether whole or broken. Today we should be saying thank you to the mothers, fathers, wives, husbands, children, and families that will never be whole again. Their loss is our gain. Our freedom was bought and paid for with their blood and flesh and we should cherish it.
Their sacrifice reminds me of another, greater sacrifice. One that paid for everyone's freedom. And in their own way, our fallen heros are following in the footsteps of Christ, waging war on all the things that are wrong on this earth. Fighting to make it a little better, a little safer, and a little freer.
1 Corinthians 7:23-24 reads: You were bought with a price [purchased with a preciousness and paid for by Christ]; then do not yield yourselves up to become [in your own estimation] slaves to men [but consider yourselves slaves to Christ]. (AMP)
Thank you, fallen heros. Thank you, to those still fighting. Thank you, to those who have returned. Thank you, to the families for your sacrifices, too. May God bless you and keep you always.
Memorial Day didn't start out Memorial Day. Nor was it originally meant to honor all those that gave their lives in war. It was originally called Decoration Day and was meant to honor all the Union soldiers that died during the American Civil War. It was extended in the 20th Century to include all the American fallen heros of all wars.
I want to take a moment and give thanks to all those great men and women that have given the ultimate sacrifice for the freedom that I have. Because there were those willing to fight for what they believed in, I am an American Citizen, not a loyal subject of the Queen. Because there were those willing to fight against injustice, I am an American Citizen, not a fearful memeber of the Third Reich.
I don't like war. I don't know anyone that does. However, it is inevitible in this world that we live in. As long as people covet what other people have, there will be war. As long as people feel that you have to believe the way that they believe, there will be war.
That there are people in this country that are willing to fight and possibly make the ultimate sacrifice so that we can continue to live free, is humbling to me. John 5:13 reads: No one has greater love [no one has shown stronger affection] then to lay day (give up) his own life for his friends. (AMP) As you read this, there are people across this globe that are giving up their lives for us right now. Giving their lives so that anyone can protest against war; so that we can rail against the system; so that we can occupy Wall Street.
Today, we should be honoring these fallen heros. Today, we should be honoring the ones that came back, whether whole or broken. Today we should be saying thank you to the mothers, fathers, wives, husbands, children, and families that will never be whole again. Their loss is our gain. Our freedom was bought and paid for with their blood and flesh and we should cherish it.
Their sacrifice reminds me of another, greater sacrifice. One that paid for everyone's freedom. And in their own way, our fallen heros are following in the footsteps of Christ, waging war on all the things that are wrong on this earth. Fighting to make it a little better, a little safer, and a little freer.
1 Corinthians 7:23-24 reads: You were bought with a price [purchased with a preciousness and paid for by Christ]; then do not yield yourselves up to become [in your own estimation] slaves to men [but consider yourselves slaves to Christ]. (AMP)
Thank you, fallen heros. Thank you, to those still fighting. Thank you, to those who have returned. Thank you, to the families for your sacrifices, too. May God bless you and keep you always.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Divine Lunacy Has a Melt Down
This weekend, I have been housesitting for my folks. They have a dog, Ginger, that is 15 years old. She doesn't see very well; she doesn't hear very well; her teeth are literally falling out of her head. Everyday, I woke up thinking: "Is she still in the land of the living?" Friday night, I had to go out to my church to help with Communion set-up. When I got home around 7:30ish, I found a couple of accidents on the floor: poop and throw-up. The poop was irksome and irritating; the throw-up was a bit more jolting. Although a much smaller amount than the poop, it appeared to be quite bloody. The next morning, Ginger wouldn't get out of her little kennel for about 1 hour. When she finally emerged, she was shaky, disoriented, and very lethargic. She has also been off her food quite a bit over the last couple of weeks. I panicked. I called my mom and I really thought that Ginger was not long for this world. Mom said ok, but to call my sister so that I wouldn't be alone. Thank goodness, Crystal was available. She was calm, cool, and collected, as the saying goes. She suggested that we take Ginger to the vet and have her examined, then the vet could give us an educated opinion on what to do. We did. Ginger's heart, lungs, and body temp were all normal, but the vet said she is obviously distressed. She gave Ginger three injections for the runny stool, vomiting (although she only threw up once), and an antibiotic. We brought her home and discussed what to do next. So I kept an eye on her throughout the afternoon and evening, giving periodic updates to Mom and Crystal. This morning, I noticed that she was trying to eat but just couldn't seem to take anything into her mouth. I thought maybe some Ensure, like they give elderly people for extra nourishment. Then I thought maybe some baby food. I talked to Crystal and on her suggestion called the vet to ask. The vet thought that was a great idea. So I did. And Ginger was finally able to eat. She kept it down and I didn't have to take her with me to the vet's when I went to get her meds. I don't like death watches and that's what this weekend has been: a death watch. I will be glad when I can go home and just take care of my stuff. Anyway, I'm done ranting...for now. Hope you all have a great week. Oh, and by the way, How much is that doggy in the window?
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Divine Lunacy Was Left Without It...
Last week, I discovered what I thought was fraudulant use of my Visa Debit card. I immediately called the bank and reported it, thereby disputing the charge. The reason I thought it was fraudulant was because the charge for Walmart came through as I was entering Trader Joe's the evening before. I wrote down the store numbers determined to do a little Nancy Drew style sleuthing (she always called it that). What I discovered had my jaw on the floor and my fingers punching in the bank's number as fast as I could. I had been to Walmart. The one just around the corner and up the street; a little neighborhood market just perfect for picking up a few items. I went on Sunday. The charge, as legitimate as they come, didn't come through until Monday evening. When the bank representative picked up, I explained what had happened ("...and boy is my face red!") and asked her to please, please, pretty please with sugar on top, undo my faux pas. Stopping the dispute was easy, however, I could kiss my current Visa Debit card goodbye. It's kind of like when God closed the door of the ark and sealed it. If you weren't aboard, you weren't getting aboard. My card was canceled, closed, kaput. I would have to wait for the new one to arrive. Approximately 10 working days. YIKES!!! How was I to live? I needed gas. No card; no Costco gas. I needed groceries...I needed...I needed...
It's interesting. I've always just taken it for granted. I will not be doing that anymore. For gas, I had to go cash a check, find a gas station, go inside and pay, back out to the pumps, and then back inside to get change (a measley $0.73 out of $40.00 for a Chevy Cavalier). I had to be very careful that I didn't over spend when I went to TJ's for a few groceries on Sunday because of the limited amount of cash I had with me. What a pain!
I got my new card yesterday and began the tedious task of changing the accounts that I pay with my card, Neflix, Amazon, and the like. I still can't use it in an ATM because I have to get a new pin number. It comes separately so that no one can use it. I'm hoping it will come tomorrow. Then, if I want a pin number that I come up with, I have to go to the bank to change it.
The moral of this little tale is: Do the Nancy Drew-style sleuthing first and then call if it really is fraudulant. Save yourself the embarrassing agony of being without.
By the way, what did we do before we had ATMs, ATM/Debit, and/or Visa Debit cards? Any one remember?
It's interesting. I've always just taken it for granted. I will not be doing that anymore. For gas, I had to go cash a check, find a gas station, go inside and pay, back out to the pumps, and then back inside to get change (a measley $0.73 out of $40.00 for a Chevy Cavalier). I had to be very careful that I didn't over spend when I went to TJ's for a few groceries on Sunday because of the limited amount of cash I had with me. What a pain!
I got my new card yesterday and began the tedious task of changing the accounts that I pay with my card, Neflix, Amazon, and the like. I still can't use it in an ATM because I have to get a new pin number. It comes separately so that no one can use it. I'm hoping it will come tomorrow. Then, if I want a pin number that I come up with, I have to go to the bank to change it.
The moral of this little tale is: Do the Nancy Drew-style sleuthing first and then call if it really is fraudulant. Save yourself the embarrassing agony of being without.
By the way, what did we do before we had ATMs, ATM/Debit, and/or Visa Debit cards? Any one remember?
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Divine Lunacy is gratefully humbled
I have worked at my job for almost 15 years. In that entire time, I have NEVER done a bone head thing like I did yesterday evening. My co-worker had gone home sick earlier in the day, which just left me to work the front counter. Part of our duties each night is to count down the drawer and then put the cash and checks into a blue zippered and locking bag before dumping it into the vault. I had finished the count and had just walked up to the counter to put the cash and checks into said bag, when a customer walked up. This one, a particulary annoying one. He never has a completed application when he comes in (even though they are available on line) and spends 10 minutes filling one out (if he doesn't talk, which he seems to enjoy doing). After waiting for him to fill it out and fertively glancing at the clock as the minutes counted down to 5pm, I discovered that I couldn't take is application after all. He did not have a complete package to submit. Relieved, I starting putting things away and getting ready to clock out and go home. Another Monday behind me.
This morning, my supervisor went to open the vault to get the money bag for us to do the morning count and the deposit. No money bag in the vault. I thought, "Oh. I just put it in the bag and stuck it in the drawer." I went over to the drawer where the money bag resides during the day and to my absolute horror, I saw it. I had set the cash and checks down on the printer table. At first, I was (as I said) horrified; but then I realized something. IT WAS STILL THERE. $350.00 in cash and checks in excess of $22,000...STILL THERE. I began to praise God right then and there. Our area is not a secure area. There are cleaning people and security guards that walk through all evening long. Someone could have easily pocketed that cash and just walked away.
God works wonders. He works miracles. If that money (cash and/or checks) had turned up missing, I would have been booted out and the money taken out of my paltry salary. God is so faithful in seeing to our needs. He knows I need my job and so protected what I had been so careless with. He made blind those that would have seen and taken it.
Thank You, God for protecting me and that money. And please help me to NEVER do anything like that again.
This morning, my supervisor went to open the vault to get the money bag for us to do the morning count and the deposit. No money bag in the vault. I thought, "Oh. I just put it in the bag and stuck it in the drawer." I went over to the drawer where the money bag resides during the day and to my absolute horror, I saw it. I had set the cash and checks down on the printer table. At first, I was (as I said) horrified; but then I realized something. IT WAS STILL THERE. $350.00 in cash and checks in excess of $22,000...STILL THERE. I began to praise God right then and there. Our area is not a secure area. There are cleaning people and security guards that walk through all evening long. Someone could have easily pocketed that cash and just walked away.
God works wonders. He works miracles. If that money (cash and/or checks) had turned up missing, I would have been booted out and the money taken out of my paltry salary. God is so faithful in seeing to our needs. He knows I need my job and so protected what I had been so careless with. He made blind those that would have seen and taken it.
Thank You, God for protecting me and that money. And please help me to NEVER do anything like that again.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Divine Lunacy Bids Prince Davy Farewell...
"I wanna be free. Like the bluebirds flying by me; like the waves out on the blue sea. If your love has to tie me; don't try me. Say goodbye." When he sang that to me, I knew he wasn't ready for my love. I was sad, but I understood. I could wait. Soon, he would see; I was the one for him and he was the one for me.
Then I heard "I'll be true to you, yes I will. Every dream that you have, I'll fulfill. I never promised this to anyone before, but I'll be true to you, yes I will." I knew our time had come. I knew that he would wait for me. I knew that when I reached the tender age of 18, we would magically meet and live happily ever after. It was 1967. I was nine. And "he" was Davy Jones, Monkee extrodinaire. I loved Davy. He was the cute one. The one from that far off exotic place called London, England.
Davy was my first "Rock N Roll" super crush and the first person to break my heart. When I was 11, I read in 16 Magazine that he had married. I couldn't believe it. He was supposed to wait for me! How could he have done this?
Many years later, MTV showed reruns of the show. And my crush returned. Later that same year, I was fortunate enough to go to their reunion concert. He wasn't quite what he had been in 1967, but it was 1986, so who was? The show was wonderful. Watching the three of them (Mike of the green knit cap was conspicuously absent) clowning around and making jokes between songs was kind of like watching an episode of their show. They were and are great showmen.
Upon hearing the news of Davy's passing, I didn't weep great salt-crocodile tears, but I was a bit sad. Thank you, Davy, for all the years that you spent entertaining us. For being "the cute one". For breaking my little girl's heart and teaching me a lesson in reality. Rest in peace, Davy Jones...we will miss you.
Then I heard "I'll be true to you, yes I will. Every dream that you have, I'll fulfill. I never promised this to anyone before, but I'll be true to you, yes I will." I knew our time had come. I knew that he would wait for me. I knew that when I reached the tender age of 18, we would magically meet and live happily ever after. It was 1967. I was nine. And "he" was Davy Jones, Monkee extrodinaire. I loved Davy. He was the cute one. The one from that far off exotic place called London, England.
Davy was my first "Rock N Roll" super crush and the first person to break my heart. When I was 11, I read in 16 Magazine that he had married. I couldn't believe it. He was supposed to wait for me! How could he have done this?
Many years later, MTV showed reruns of the show. And my crush returned. Later that same year, I was fortunate enough to go to their reunion concert. He wasn't quite what he had been in 1967, but it was 1986, so who was? The show was wonderful. Watching the three of them (Mike of the green knit cap was conspicuously absent) clowning around and making jokes between songs was kind of like watching an episode of their show. They were and are great showmen.
Upon hearing the news of Davy's passing, I didn't weep great salt-crocodile tears, but I was a bit sad. Thank you, Davy, for all the years that you spent entertaining us. For being "the cute one". For breaking my little girl's heart and teaching me a lesson in reality. Rest in peace, Davy Jones...we will miss you.
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