Divine Lunacy Ponders Death

It's a grim subject, I know.  However, this week has been a week for it.  First the news of a man beloved my many.  His death shocked and saddened, to say the least.  On Monday, my folks had to put down their dog of 15 years.  Then today at work, I learned that a former co-worker had died due to complications from his cancer.  Oh, and lest I forget, the former morning weather man for Channel 3, died after a prolonged illness of cirrhosis.

All death is hard to deal with, whether it is a car accident or a prolonged illness.  Death leaves a hole in our lives where that person should be.  As a Christian, I do have hope in the resurrection; I believe that on that great day, I will be reunited with my loved ones in Christ, be they blood or in His blood relatives.  I don't know how people make it through if they don't have that hope.

I think the worst death to deal with is suicide.  That someone would deliberately take their own life is hard to understand for those left behind.  People don't understand the pain of mental or emotional illness, nor the devastation of depression and therefore cannot fathom why they didn't "gut it out" like the rest of us.  Worse yet, most people think that if someone takes their own life, they have shut the doors to eternal life in heaven.  I know I used to think that way.  Now, I don't.

A former school mate of mine lost his step daughter to suicide.  Of course, the family was devastated, as was their church family.  Their pastor, Dan Appel, did his best to make sense out of this senseless tragedy.  He wrote an article that is quite thought provoking and illuminating on this subject and it helped me to understand something that I should have seen all along.  We don't decide who gets to go to heaven and who doesn't.  God does.  God sees the heart, the mind, the soul of the person and we don't see as He sees.  He knows; He decides.  I don't get to make that call and neither do you, Gentle Reader.  God will make the decision based on what He has seen inside that person.  I'm going to include the address for the site that my friend set up for his daughter, Alex, and you can find Pastor Dan's article there.  I will also include the link to the article for those that just want to see it and nothing more.  I hope you will look at the whole site.  My friend has used this tragedy to reach out to other young people.  He hopes that by doing this, someone on the edge will pull back and ask for help.

Here they are:  http://alexstory.org/alexstory/Suicide_and_the_Bible_by_Dan_Appel.html
and:  http://alexstory.org

I came close to ending my own life once.  I was really tired.  Tired of feeling empty, used up, and abandoned.  I would wake up each morning and think of a reason to get out of bed.  One day, I couldn't find a reason.  I got up anyway.  The next morning, I didn't feel any different.  I went to a drugstore and found sleeping pills, making sure they didn't have ipecac in them.  I got home and I sat there looking at those pills and a blank sheet of paper until it got dark.  I lit a candle and still, I couldn't find the words to write that would exhonorate my family and friends.  It really wasn't their fault I felt that way; I was just tired of living.  It was too heavy a burden to bear.  I just wanted to be free.  In the end, I couldn't write a note explaining all that I felt and for my family and friends not to feel guility.  I flushed the pills down the toilet and went to bed.  It was a long time before things got better for me.  I don't know how I hung in as long as I did before I came back to God, but I suspect He had something to do with it.  I wrote a poem, that has since been turned into a song.  I hope to record it someday.  It's called Invitation to the Dance.  These are the words:

I had grown so very weary
Listening to the noise of pain
I just wanted sweet oblivian
Just a slow soft fade
Then the invite arrived
Whispered soft, in my ear
Come to the dance,
There you'll find good cheer

It took many years for me to
Clearly hear it
This invitation spoken by
The Holy Spirit
Come on, take a chance
Step into His embrace
Don't worry if  you can't dance
He has enough grace.

And when I arrived
I sat at the edge
Been wounded before
I had bets to hedge
I kept my head down
Didn't even look at the place
I knew I couldn't dance
Because, I lacked grace

Then a scarred hand appeared
I looked up and took a chance
That's when Jesus asked me
"Shall we dance?"

And now, especially when darkness threatens, I put my hands in His and I step on His feet and let Him dance me through it.